Wow. Really?

I think I’ve managed to convey how sucktackular Tuesdays are. Today has been no exception. Princess Punk has a soccer game in Derby today. For those of you non-Vermonters reading this, Derby is (literally) a stone’s throw from CANADA. So the bus is leaving at 2:30 for a 4:15 game. So no therapy for PP today. Okay, so you would think this would actually make the day easier… You’re not a mom are you?

email from the school nurse at 1:20PM

Hi, Irresponsible Mom, (okay so she used my name but I’m sure that’s what she was thinking)

Today PP had no test strips with her. Luckily a high school student did not mind sharing some with her. Perhaps there should be an emergency supply here at school for her.

Her BS was 319, ketones a trace. (Translation: Her blood sugar level was 319, normal being between 70 and 120 and there were trace amounts of ketones in her urine meaning her body is tired of having sugar in her blood stream instead of her cells where it can actually be used so ketones are starting to break down fat and muscle for energy. Yay.)

Thanks and have a great day,

School Nurse Lady

-AWESOME-

The following next hour was spent making frantic phone calls to my mom (who is literally a life-saver at this point), the pharmacy, the insurance company (since the pharmacy decided that she wasn’t really insured after all… Do you know how much that crap COSTS? I could pay my mortgage. Seriously.) PP and the school to make sure she did not get on the bus to DERBY without all testing supplies in hand. What did I glean from this? A mildly calmer feeling that the Princess won’t run out of supplies while several hours away from me, cheerful compliance from my mom (again, she is being a freaking SAINT) and bored indifference from Princess Punk. Oh yeah… And The Guilt.

Remember that post a few days ago about me being a responsible adult?

EPIC FAIL

What kind of mom forgets something that could be potentially life-threatening to her child? I’m actually embarassed to take PP to the doctor because I know I’m going to get yelled at because I have NOT been updating the information from her insulin pump regularly (it takes about 5 minutes… last time I did it? A month ago.) I have not been checking to make sure that my 11 year old child actually has all the supplies she needs so that she can deal with this life-threatening disease. I have not been reminding her to make wise food choices and keeping a closer eye on her activity level.

Why not?

Partly because I forget sometimes that the Princess IS ONLY 11. She is an incredibly smart, well spoken and (mostly) mature young woman and sometimes I forget that she is still a kid and  actually needs guidance from me.

But mostly? Because I’ve just been damned lazy lately and haven’t done much of anything. Because I have to wait until there is an impending crisis to get anything important completed. Because I DO have bipolar disorder and at the moment I do NOT have fantastic control over my life or how I’m dealing with it.

I am not going to complain and whine and feel sorry for myself. I absolutely refuse. I am done venting. I am going to go to my therapy appointment, go home and cook a nice dinner for my husband and attempt to do something responsible tonight so I don’t feel like a complete douche.

And I’m going to give Princess Punk a HUGE hug when she gets home. Because she is AWESOME.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: