The evil, evil phone

So my post yesterday was about depression… Still there in case you’re wondering.

I’m sitting at my desk in my office right now looking at the scroll on my screen of things I need to do in order to actually make some attempt of pretending that I really DO work here. At the top of the list is telephone follow-ups. I’ve been letting them go all week and they have been piling up and they are unfortunately an extremely neccesary part of my job.

Shit.

When I am having a “down time” like now, I think one of the most difficult things for me to do is to pick up the phone and speak to another person. I can email ALL DAY LONG but when it comes to actually speaking to another human being? Forget it. Oddly enough I am able to be perfectly professional and composed when receiving an incoming call, although days like today, I am more likely to let something slip to voice mail where it will sit unanswered for several days.

Oh, did you want to make a phone call? Go ahead, I won’t bite… PROMISE.

I do not know why this is. My mom has the same issue, to an even worse degree in fact. By the tender age of 4 I was able to pick up the phone and order pizza because my mom generally refused to do so. I actually have an excellent telephone speaking voice because of this. Regardless of my intelligence or skills however, when I am feeling not my normal self, the thought of picking up the telephone to make a phone call can actually trigger a full blown panic attack. Woo. As a result, I am currently sitting in my office trying to figure out if sending out a letter to this client will actually be okay even though he has an appointment TOMORROW. Yeah. That’s not gonna work. And of course, it’s not just work phone calls that are falling by the wayside. I have at least three voice mail messages on my cell phone that really must be answered. Including one from the oil company. About my past due bill. When we need a kerosene delivery. So we can heat our house. In Vermont. In October. Can you see where that might be an extremely important phone call to make? Not to mention the list of doctors appointment I need to set up, for Princess Punk and myself. And honestly for the Zen Master too because if it was up to him he would NEVER go to the dentist, eye doctor or family doctor to make sure that he is still going to be around, not blind and retaining his teeth for the next 20-50 years. When we got married he had not been to a doctor in about TWENTY YEARS. Seriously. I digress. Where was I?

Oh. Right. The phone is evil.

Why can’t I just hire a personal secretary to make my calls for me?

“This is Jenny calling on behalf of Mrs. Newlife. I’d like to discuss your transportation arrangements for your appointment tomorrow. Yes Sir, I understand that you have no legs and you can’t take the bus because the bus driver thinks you’re crazy. I’ll be happy to arrange a ride for you.”

“Hello, ABC Oil? My name is Jenny, calling regarding account number 76543A. We realize that our last payment is quite past due and I’m happy to make payment arrangements to pay it in full over the next two payperiods if you would please send a truck out to the home to put some kerosene in our tank. You see, this October has been particularly warm and as such we only just attempted to turn on the heat last week and discovered the tank was in fact, bone dry. You can send someone tomorrow? That’s just swell! Thank you very much for your time!”

Ah well. A girl can dream right?

Stupid evil phone.

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