Please stay away from my husband Mr. Grinch

The Zen Master is depressed. Or sad. Or morose. Or blue. Something. For the past few weeks I’ve noticed it getting progressively worse. Christmas time is usually a grumpy time for the Zen Master on general principles, he is usually just coming off slow season at work and has no money to buy gifts for anyone. Since he is such a kind generous person, this usually makes him feel pretty shitty. Add to that this year the impending birth of the Moose and I think the gravity of being a responsible adult is hitting him pretty damn hard.

When we met, The Zen Master lived in a small apartment with his friend.  His house looked like a bachelor pad and he lived off baloney and hot dogs. He was frugal with money but not a penny pincher. Generally his monetary splurges were limited to video games, computer stuff, movies and take out. He didn’t drive when I met him, he lived in town and walked everywhere he needed to go. He didn’t even have a license. No kids, no debt, minimal bills, minimal responsibilities.

When he married me, I came with a big ol’ can of Instant Adult. Fortified with kid, mortgage, car, bills and a little bit of debt.

So basically, in just a few short years he;

  1. Became a father to a pre-teen diabetic
  2. Got a driver licence and a nice beater truck that guzzles gas and requires a ridiculous amount of upkeep
  3. Got a house that is rapidly falling apart piece by piece (literally, the damn door fell off the other day)
  4. Discovered that his wife and daughter cannot live on baloney and hot dogs
  5. Discovered that most houses usually keep paper towels AND toilet paper
  6. Decided that after working at the same place for almost 20 years, he actually needed a job that paid him a living wage

That’s a hell of a lot of change for someone who drags his feet about changing his sweater. And he still kept his cool, remained my Moment of Zen and adjusted to a lot of change in a fairly short amount of time.

Then I got pregnant.

This was not a surprise or anything, we had planned and tried and yada yada. Still, I think the reality of having a new baby has really started to hit him hard lately. All of that responsibility combined with a few major financial hiccups and the Zen Master has a constant dazed, frowny look on his face. He is worried about money, he is worried about the house being ready, he is worried about me. And he’s not HAPPY. And I need him to be happy. I need him to be as excited about the Moose as I am, to be happy that we are bringing a new life into the world and we will meet her very soon. But he isn’t. Or if he is, the happy is buried under The Grinch who has taken over my beautiful husband and will not let him go. He spends most of his time sporadically cleaning, obsessing over bills and financial papers and holed up in the bedroom playing video games and tuning out the world.

I recognize this behavior.

He is becoming my father. This is especially worrisome since one of the reasons I fell so hard for this man is because he is so NOT my dad. My dad is a great guy but all the time I have been alive, he has been incredibly overburdened with responsibility. He is frequently grumpy, annoyed and angry, he isolates himself from his family, he works 70 hours a week and he takes piss-poor care of his own health. I see The Zen Master pointed in this direction and it scares me.

I told The Zen Master last night that I was going to start slipping Zoloft into his dinner. I was only half-joking. Luckily (sometimes) I am a “talk it out” kinda girl and I made sure he is aware of my concerns. The Zen Master is very much aware of my “Daddy Issues” and the fact that I told him he was starting to remind me of my dad bothered him. We’ll see. Who knows, he may fall in love with the Moose so much that he will stop worrying alltogether and just enjoy the joy of having a baby… Here’s hoping.

So F*** Off Mr. Grinch or I will send Cindy-Lou Who to beat your green ass.


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