Oh. Right. Bipolar.

I got a call from my therapist’s assistant yesterday morning canceling my weekly appointment because she was out of the office. This is usually not a big deal, stuff happens and I’m generally doing ok. Yesterday, after I hung up the phone, I got a little bit upset and I realized that the bleh I’ve been feeling this past week is not so much due to stress but more due to me being able to cope with it a little bit less right now. I read through my posts for the past few weeks and I noticed a familiar pattern. A few weeks ago, my overall mood was kinda hyper and overly euthymic. There was also a bit of disjointed writing, like my brain was working faster than I could type. For me, this is classic manic behavior.

That looks about right…

Like I’ve said before, even on medication, I still occasionally cycle through highs and lows although the crests and valleys are definitely not as extreme as they used to be. I’m not exactly sure why I didn’t notice it earlier, over the years I’ve become much more aware of these swings. I’m not depressed right now, just in a low mode. In this realm of the swing, I tend to be somewhat distracted, tired, vaguely grumpy and anti-social. I don’t handle stressors as well as I would normally and things that I would normally shrug off will cause me to yell or cry or both.

So now that I’ve figured it out, I just basically sit back and ride it out. The good thing about bipolar disorder? It’s a cycle and when you’re down, you’ll inevitably be back up again. Being properly medicated, this dip shouldn’t last much longer and hopefully I can get back to baseline.

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