Trying to find my path again

I’m floundering.

I’ve always been a deeply spiritual person. Rarely religious but always spiritual. Right now I feel… Disconnected. I was involved in Wicca a few years ago, I had a great group of people I was able to practice with and then, all of a sudden, things got very structured and I got uncomfortable. One of the reasons why I was really drawn to Wiccan beliefs and practices was the easy, flowing nature of the worship. When things got overly structured as the result of a slightly controlling High Priestess, I decided to draw back from the group and become more of a solitary practitioner. Unfortunately, I don’t really DO solitary very well. An important part of spirituality for me is fellowship. I enjoy being around a group of people who are open to a higher power. I honestly don’t give a crap what they believe, I’m not even really sure what I believe, but the core of it all is there is something more. I belonged to a great Episcopalian church in Florida but things changed there and I drew away from that as well and spent the next few years feeling… off. Nothing specific, just this nagging feeling that something is missing. That’s pretty much where I’m at right now.

Love it

So on Easter Sunday, when I woke up with the sudden desire to go to church with Princess Punk and my dad, the lightbulb went on and I realized that what I’m missing is a connection. With all that has happened in my life recently, I am aware of my underlying spirituality but I’ve not really been able to access it. Right now at least, I think that finding fellowship is the link I need to access that part of me again. I figure church is as good a place to start as any. The Episcopal church is familiar and the service has a comforting cadence that I’ve known my whole life. My family already goes to this church and the congregation is generally open-minded and friendly. The pastor is openly gay and is in fact marrying his partner this June. While I decided that Easter Sunday was probably not the best day to go back to church after 5 or 6 years (kinda like Christianity hitting you over the head ya know?), I plan to go this coming Sunday and see what happens.

I’d like to get back to where I can feel that connection again. I can’t explain it, everyone experiences spirituality differently, if they believe in anything at all.

But only a couple...

It’s all a journey, I just have to find my path again.

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