Mars… Venus… Yeah, we get it.

I got pissed at The Zen Master the other night.

Wednesday nights are busy for us. Like, REALLY busy. The Zen Master teaches Tae Kwon Do Wednesday nights and leaves about 3pm. In off season (like now) he drops The Peach off at my mom’s house and heads off. Princess Punk takes the bus to my mom’s instead of home where she has to is supposed to do her homework, practice clarinet and eat a small meal before leaving for a soccer at about 5:30. I get to my mom’s around 4-430 where I rock and walk The Peach for a little while because at this point it’s 4-430 in the afternoon, she hasn’t slept very much all day and is now extremely cranky. By now my mom usually looks like she’s been through a hurricane, tornado and blizzard all at the same time. I give Peach a bath at my mom’s house since she has a deep kitchen sink with one of those sprayer thingys and then I give Peach a rub-down with lotion and get her in her jammies and go home around 7pm. The Zen Master and Princess Punk get home about 20 minutes later, I make dinner and get The Princess ready for bed and do all the other nighttime stuff.

So last Wednesday night, I got home around 7:15ish and found… Mess. There was dirt and dog hair all over the floor, the kitchen was a mess, there were dirty dishes and funky spoiling bottles scattered here and there all over the house and The Peach’s laundry basket was filled to overflowing, not to mention the ginormous pile of other laundry heaped in front of, next to and near the washer and dryer.

I was pissed. The Zen Master has been working about 12-15 hours PER WEEK for the past month or so. He does have the baby most days but my mom watches her at least one or two days a week and I know that she picks up The Peach several hours before he leaves on Wednesday. Yet the house was even messier than when I left in the morning. WTF???? What was he doing in that time you ask? Watching TV. I know this because he got through almost an entire season of Nip/Tuck on Netflix. I know he watches it while he’s got the baby but he was definitely watching it after she left too.

So I spent the next half-hour slamming around grumpily, picking up, doing laundry, straightening and vacuuming. The Peach spent most of this time asleep in her car seat. I actually had the house looking fairly nice by the time they got home but I was exhausted, frazzled and extremely pissed off. I told The Zen Master there was nothing for dinner then plopped on the couch and announced “Mom is  OFF-DUTY.” I sat there and fumed and played on Facebook while ZM made spaghetti for dinner and PP fed Peach and took a shower. Oh… and then I went into the kitchen and had to wipe the grit off my feet because apparently ZM had left his shoes on and tracked dirt all over the house. I asked him is a bitchy annoyed tone to please take his shoes off as he was messing up the floor I had just vacuumed. To which he responded (under his breath), “Just like when I vacuumed yesterday…”

Seriously? I’ll give him the fact that he did vacuum at some point yesterday, mainly because the glass door on the entertainment center shattered, but he just skimmed over the living room floor and there was still a garden’s supply of dirt in our bedroom, under the table and in the kitchen, not to mention all the fluffy little tumbleweeds of dog hair scattered in various places throughout the house. Here is a prime example of the difference between men cleaning and women cleaning. SO I vacuumed. Again. I cooled off by bedtime. Then on Thursday, Princess Punk had a school outing to go to which started at 545pm and she got back around 1130pm. Yes, on a school night. It was a play in Burlington and I guess it was the only way the school could get tickets at a reasonable price. Anyway… I had my appointment with the TMJ guy at 4 (which is also in Burlington, an hour or so away) so I didn’t end up getting home until 730pm. I was tired. And cranky. And in a crapload of pain because the doc had to move my jaw around a lot to see exactly how it was malfunctioning. (oh, by the way, the X-rays showed an almost complete erosion of the right jaw bone where it is supposed to go in the socket. Sweet!)So I was really not looking forward to staying up until 1130 or so to go pick up PP from the school. So I grumped. And The Zen Master? Stayed up and watched TV with me for about an hour then went and flopped into bed. (FYI- The Peach had been at my mom’s house for a majority of the day)

I don’t feel like that ALL the time… Promise.

I sat in the living room for about 5 minutes before I completely Lost. My. Schmidt.

I went into the bedroom and sobbed and complained bitched conveyed my annoyance about how I was feeling like I was doing everything and while he was doing something, it wasn’t much.

Guess what?

He was pissed off too.

Apparently, he has stopped putting in a lot of effort around the house because; 1. The Peach is a freaking barnacle and you seriously cannot put her down for more than 5 minutes and 2. The Princess Punk and yes, even I are complete effing slobs. We both get home and drop all our stuff on the dining room table and when I make dinner I use probably twice as many dishes as I should. We both leave laundry in various places where it shouldn’t be (although I do at least limit mine to my room) and are generally not great about picking up after ourselves. Oh and the laundry is getting to him since none of us are great about folding our clothes and putting them away so occasionally he ends up washing things that have not even been worn but just ended up on the floor and became encased in dog hair.

See, the things that drive him nutso about the mess in the house are entirely different than the things that drive me nutso. He gets upset when there’s clutter all over the dining room table, piles of paper on the desk and gets irritated about the foofs of dog hair in the middle of the floor. I get upset about the clutter on the couch and the dirty dishes in the living room and not so much about the foofs of dog hair but the gritty dirt tracked in by people’s shoes. It bugs the schmidt out of me to trip over shoes in the middle of the floor and it bugs the schmidt out of him to have to pick up laundry off the bathroom, bedroom and yes, even the living room floor. He hates to run the vaccuum, I hate sweeping.

And he is stressed about the baby. The Zen Master is one of those people that needs some time by himself. He needs that personal bubble, even more than I do. So the fact that he has been home all day with a baby he can’t put down makes him a little bit… claustrophobic. Which in turn makes him upset. And guilty. And I totally get it.

So I cried. And he cried (a little bit). And I made him promise to tell me the next time crap started building up on him since it generally takes me losing my schmidt to get him to talk.

On Saturday The Zen Master, my mom and I worked out a weekly schedule, to be in effect whether he is in off season or working full time. He needs some time off during the day so he can get some stuff done and have a little time to himself, my mom needs to know when she will have the baby so she can set up her schedule and The Peach needs some consistency. Basically, it boiled down to my mom taking the Peach about 6 hours a day, 4 days a week except for Wednesday which would be a bit longer since ZM has class and she’d have to wait ’til I get home from work. He’ll pick her up when he gets off work, somewhere between 1 and 3 and will have a few hours alone with her before The Princess gets home followed closely by me. I agreed to be better about dropping my crap just wherever when I get home and advised Princess Punk to do the same. He agreed to do his part and to talk to me if something was bothering him.

So far this week we’ve been doing well. Princess Punk? still needs some work but kids learn from example right? She’s picked up a lot of my bad habits and just like me, she needs to learn how to do things a bit better so we don’t all go crazy wondering why everybody else is making a mess and not taking responsibility for our own crap.


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