Now I just feel OLD… But maybe in a good way?

I was listening to the radio on the way home yesterday and the song “Creep” by TLC (1994) came on. I was singing along without even thinking about it, thinking, “This used to be my song back in the day!” (I actually thought that) when all of a sudden I actually listed to the lyrics that were coming out of my mouth…

Not that they didn’t have some good stuff too…

I love my man with all honesty
But I know he’s cheatin’ on me

I look him in his eyes but all he
Tells me is lies to keep me near
I’ll never leave him down though
I might mess around it’s only
‘Cause I need some affection, oh

So I creep, yeah
Just keep it on the down low
Said nobody is supposed to know

And I remember listening to this song, nodding and thinking “Oh yeah, that’s right, that’s how you do it when your man done you wrong…” (Okay, so I was a lil bit ghetto back then… just a leeetle bit).

I’ll keep giving loving
Till the day he pushes me away, never go astray
If he knew the things I did he couldn’t handle it
And I choose to keep him, protected, oh

“Unh hunh… That’s how a real woman do it.” (I shudder every time I think about how I must’ve sounded back then)

I honestly and truly thought this was how relationships worked. I thought everybody messed around and that’s just how it was. As long as I was “Number 1” then it was all good. Which is a weird attitude when I think about it because my parents have been married for decades and have never been unfaithful…

I have never wanted to cheat on The Zen Master. Not once. I realize we’ve only been together about 4 years but I know. I think the moment I knew that he was it was when I kissed someone else (we were openly dating other people at that point, don’t judge) and I thought, “Hunh. Nope. Not interested.” Which may seem like nothing, but to me? Someone who had wanted attention of any kind from anyone who was willing to give it? It was an epiphany. The Zen Master was all I needed. I didn’t need to wait for the next best thing, I already had it.

I know he feels the same.

The idea of staying with someone while both of you are being unfaithful seems ludicrous to me. If you have let a relationship degrade to that point, and you really feel like that’s okay, it’s pretty much done. If you start your relationship out that way? Then you are misguided about what a relationship actually is. I’m not talking about swingers, or people in polyamorous relationships, if that’s your thing, go for it. But if you are sneaking around on your significant other and you know they’re sneaking around on you and you believe that it’s okay? Something is off.

And my next thought was, “Holy schmidt, what kind of crap is Princess Punk listening to that is shaping her view on how life is supposed to be?” And I’m old. I hate listening to most of her music. Some of it is good, and I don’t mind her having it on while we’re cleaning and stuff but crap, now I really need to sit down and listen to what she is singing along with.

You GO girl!

Next song I heard her singing to?

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone
What doesn’t kill you makes you fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn’t mean I’m over ’cause you’re gone

I think I can live with that.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. coffeepoweredmom
    Jun 08, 2012 @ 13:50:18

    I think I could live with that too. That first song…that would merit a sit down and talk.


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