It’s not the cookie dough, really

The Zen Master ate some cookie dough out of the freezer. You know, one of those Pillsbury, ready to make cookies? Yes. I am lazy. I got kinda pissed at him. This was the second time in a week he’d done that and it was irritating because I was planning on making the cookies for all of us later in the week. And I realized… It’s not the damn cookie dough that pissed me off. It was the fact that this WAS the second time he’d done it and he just hadn’t even asked if I had plans for it or anything. It was… inconsiderate.

And then I thought about it. And I realized that the past few weeks have kinda sucked between us. Nothing serious, no fights or anything, I’ve just been left feeling like he’s more my roommate than my husband. I’m lonely and he’s in the next room. That’s not right. We interact around the baby and Princess Punk but other than that, not much. I get home and he is “level grinding” (what the hell IS that anyway?) on his video game and I get a, “Hi, I love you,” and if I’m lucky a quick peck and then I just go play on my computer because I don’t feel like competing with the stupid game. And if he comes out into the living room, he brings his netbook and reads manga on the couch while we watch TV. So I keep playing on my computer. Because what’s the point? I don’t have enough attention span to watch a program anyway and there’s no use trying to exchange our usual quips and “that’s what she said” if he’s not even paying attention. It’s not like he’s even playing a game or something, he is reading. You can’t participate in a conversation and read at the same time. We haven’t even been eating together at the table anymore. I make dinner and we all get our plates and plop on the couch. Or he’ll bypass the couch entirely and go into the bedroom and plug in while he’s eating. Generally we have to take turns eating because The Peach has excellent timing and always seems to get grumpy just as I’m finishing cooking.

And then the stupid cookie dough thing. And I’m left feeling like I need to put names on stuff in the fridge so he doesn’t eat something that I’m planning on using for a family meal. Last night, I did have him back briefly. I had a majorly shitty day and I was pretty much in tears when I got home and I got a hug and we watched TV together for a bit. And I told him how I was feeling. But then, I fell asleep watching TV and woke up to an empty spot in the bed next to me and The Zen Master sitting at the end of the bed playing the stupid game again.
And it’s Wednesday. I left work early today because I’m basically feeling a bit disenchanted with all that at the moment. Being Wednesday, I went to my mom’s where I found a pissy Princess and a pissed-off mom. Really didn’t want to get involved in the drama so I took the girls home and found The Zen Master playing his game. I got a hello. That’s it. He’ll be leaving for Tae Kwon Do shortly and he won’t be back until after 7 tonight. And then I’ll be tired and I’m already grumpy and now I just want to cry.
Because things are shitty right now and I miss my husband.

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