FAIL

So, I had the best intentions yesterday. Here’s what I actually got done, in no particular order;

1. Washed a load of The Peach’s clothes
2. Braided Princess Punk’s hair (that would be cornrows… A 2 hour job)
3. Wrote a blog post

Um… That’s it.

Here’s what else I did (again, no particular order);

1. Played my facebook games
2. Played cards with Princess Punk (she totally kicked my ass)
3. Fed, rocked, changed, cuddled and played with a somewhat clingy Peach

That pretty much sums it up.

It’s 7:32 am and I don’t have much ambition to get going… I’m actually posting from my phone because I’m too lazy to go out to the living room where my laptop is.

Sleepy too. I might actually go back to sleep. It doesn’t help I’m holding a sleeping, soporific baby…

I think a lazy Sunday isn’t a half-bad idea.
~YAWN~
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A truck-full of goals?

I hate clutter.

Like seriously, passionately hate it.

Which you would never get by walking through my house. It’s not horrible, I’ve definitely seen worse, but there is enough useless clutter in here to slowly drive me insane. Because of the space issues here and the fact that I’m still bummed about not being able to have a better house, it’s that much worse.

I think part of it stems from the fact that my brain is so ridiculously cluttered with totally random crap that I like being able to clear the physical clutter in my environment so I have at least some sense of control. Which I think I may have already established is a rather important thing for me. The other part of it has to do with my last two years in Florida when I moved no less than 5 times. Every time I moved I got rid of a whole bunch of crap because I just didn’t want to deal with it. And I had stuff under control for awhile… At least in the general areas of the house. The desk and Princess Punk’s area were still hopeless clusterfucks but at least there was some sense of clarity in the rest of the house.

Yeah that looks about right…

Then The Zen Master moved in. And he didn’t have a ton of stuff but his stuff added to my stuff made things a bit tight. And he hoards electronic stuff. He has at least 5 video game systems from a Nintendo 64 to a PS3. And 5 small bookshelves full of video games and DVDs. And 3 computers (I think only one of them actually works). And a Netbook. And various wires and controllers and stuff that I have no idea if it has any purpose at all. And I have way too many clothes, most of which don’t fit me at all. The same goes for The Princess.

So I’m starting to get twitchy.

Therefore, my goal this weekend is to get a truck-full of stuff out of my house and to Goodwill or the dump or somewhere, anywhere that is not here. The idea of a yard sale is highly unpleasant. First of all, you have to DO stuff. Pricing and laying stuff out and then putting back what doesn’t sell which you then have to cart off somewhere anyway.

Um… I think I’ll pass, thanks.

Then the thought of standing around and watching while random strangers pick through my unwanted stuff just makes me feel… skeevy. I don’t really want to see who takes my old rice cooker. I don’t care and I don’t want to try to convince someone it’s a useful item because it obviously wasn’t to me or I wouldn’t be getting rid of it.

Now I just need to get my ass off the couch. I think I need another Redbull.

You look tired

When is that ever nice to hear?

I’ve admittedly been a little worse for the wear (ok where did that one originate?) the past week or so due to this never-ending headache but the last thing I want to hear is that not only do I feel like shit but I look like shit too. I swear I heard that phrase from no less than 4 people in the past week. How does one respond to that? Politely, I mean. My first instinct was to tell them to go f**k themselves but they were all people that I like and I know that at least they meant well.

 

Seriously, telling someone they look tired in that sweet, concerned voice is really tantamount to telling them they look fat. Even if well-intentioned, even if you really care about that person and are concerned that their recent weight gain is seriously affecting their health, you would never actually say, “You look fat.” It’s just fucking rude. And chances are, they already know that their ass is now too large to fit in their chair and they can no longer zip up their jeans and they would rather it not be pointed out so bluntly.

So yes, I am tired. And yes, I do feel like crap. But I’m going to work, and I’m being a mom, and I’m being a wife, and I’m keeping my house clean and in general handling my damn business. The fact that I have rings under my eyes and my hair is kinda messy and I’m walking rather slowly is kinda par for the course at the moment. And I know what I look like, and I don’t need to be reminded thank you very much. If you are concerned with my welfare, ask me how I’m doing. Don’t make a statement about how shitty I look, it’s just not nice.

Drawing a blank

I have not been posting much lately.

There are a few reasons for this, first and foremost, my f*cking head hurts. I am often finding it hard to form a coherent sentence because I simply can’t get past the pain. At least it usually progresses as the day goes on so I’m able to function at work (although today I did have to go home by lunchtime) but by the time I get home I just don’t have the space inside my throbbing brain to interact with my husband, my children AND write a witty blog post. Something’s gotta go.

And then there’s the “ummmmmm…” factor. Maybe it’s because of the headache, but I am having trouble thinking of stuff to write about. Hm. Let me rephrase. I am frequently coming across situations and intriguing topics the I would like to write about but when I sit down at my keyboard, my mind is completely blank. A form of writer’s block I suppose. I still have a lot to say, a lot to hash out, a lot to put down into words I can see so I can make more sense of it. My brain is still going at breakneck speed, my thoughts still going to weird and interesting places, but I seem to be unable to articulate at the moment. Which kinda sucks. Because I have come to the conclusion that whether people read this or not, I need this blog. I need to be able to put my randomness into a concrete form so I can figure out where I was going. Without that I’m feeling kind of… Clogged.

Okay so staring at the super-bright screen is doing nothing for my head at the moment so I’m signing off so I can lay down for a bit.

Maybe I can find some brain drain o?

HAHAHAHA yay Champagne!

Ummmmm… I’m a teeeensy bit tipsy. Just a bit.

The Zen Master got us a bottle of champagne for our anniversary. As I have already established, my husband is not a drinker. So we didn’t actually drink the champagne on our anniversary.

So I drank it. All. Tonight.

An entire bottle of Mondavi Extra Dry Champagne.

It was gooooooooood.

And now, I am just a leeeeeetle bit fucked up.

I keep giggling for no apparent reason. It’s kinda fun. I am sober enough to use my spell checker but tipsy enough to REALLY need it. And I know I’m going to regret this in the morning but right now I am almost pain-free and feeling kinda… not sure exactly how to describe it.

Mellow and Silly.

Honestly, it’s kinda nice to just do this every once and awhile. True, I do have a glass or maybe 2 of wine when I get home from work several times a week but I very rarely get to the point of being tipsy or really even buzzed. So it’s nice to just let go and let my brain swim for a few hours every once and awhile just to let off a little steam.

I’ll be all responsible-adult-lady tomorrow. Right now I’m gonna be fuzzy-champagne-girl.

And I think I’ll have a cookie,

Thankful Thursday

Okay so it’s Friday but I got wrapped up in Monopoly with The Zen Master and Princess Punk last night and forgot to hit “Post.”

First of all, credit where credit is due, thank you blackcatsandbuttons for this marvelous idea. I’ve been a bit bummed this week and I think making note of a few of the little things in my life that are good might make me feel a little less “poor me.” So here are 10 things I’m thankful for today;

  1. Our house was under 80 degrees last night so The Peach slept in her crib instead of smushed between The Zen Master and me.
  2. Princess Punk actually folded the laundry like she was supposed to so it didn’t take me 10 minutes of cursing while plowing through a 3 foot pile of clean laundry in order to find something to wear to work.
  3. $1 coffee at McDonalds
  4. I found a Red Bull in my mini-fridge at work when I thought I was out and didn’t have enough money to get one on the way.
  5. The Zen Master made me Shepherd’s Pie and Crème Brulee for our anniversary. It was AWESOME.
  6. The heat wave finally broke and it has been a beautiful day outside.
  7. My mom sold one of her bags for $50 and got a spot in a craft show this weekend
  8. I got invited to a friend’s house for “Mommy Margaritas”
  9. I have a husband who is nice enough to go back out to the store after working a 10-hour-day AND picking up the girls, just to get me a bottle of wine and some chocolate. I still can’t figure out what I did to deserve him…
  10. Tomorrow is Friday! (Okay well technically, today is)

Oh and today??? I had a super shitty morning (just for a quick example, I didn’t get any coffee cuz I left it at my mom’s) but the following awesome things made my day much better-

  1. I got to recognize a co-worker for doing an exceptional job. It is always extremely satisfying to tell someone that their hard work is noticed and appreciated.
  2. I was finally able to get into our chest freezer on the front porch. It had been blocked by trash (gross right?) since my father-in-law had been unable to come and haul away our trash for several weeks. I’d still rather wait on him than pay the stupid “Waste disposal company” 40 bucks a month to come pick it up.
  3. Because we are helping my mom with her craft show tomorrow and The Princess is doing the artwork for her signage (she is quite talented, my kiddo) she is spending the night over there. So I get a little quiet tonight… Except for The Peach. But she goes to bed at 7:30 anyways.
  4. I just drank a glass of wine 🙂
  5. My computer is cooperating with me.
  6. The Zen Master and I get to eat a nice dinner, just the two of us (since The Peach will be sleeping by then) and I may even get to make out with my own husband! (Overshare? Sorry.)
  7. The Princess mowed the lawn yesterday, without complaint… One less thing for me to do this weekend!
  8. I may actually get some sleep tonight.
  9. We might actually make some money tomorrow.
  10. It’s the weekend! WOOT!

Ahhh… I feel better already!

Finding my moment of Zen

I think I may have mentioned, I love my husband.

I actually asked him out on MySpace. I was about a year post weight loss surgery and I was just really starting to feel more comfortable in my new body. I still felt unattractive and totally awkward but I had hit a place in my life where I felt like I was finally in control of my own life. I had a home, a job, things were going well with Princess Punk (she had yet to meet The D-Monster) and I finally felt like things were settling down. I wasn’t looking for anyone. Probably for the first time in my life, I was okay with being single. I knew The Zen Master from Princess Punk’s Tae Kwon Do class and I had seen him walking around town. He was quiet and cute and extremely geeky. I saw his MySpace page and realized he would probably be pretty cool to hang out with. He was interested in a lot of the same stuff as me but he also had other interests that made him interesting as a person. He was interested in studying other languages and cultures, he studied martial arts (well duh) and he had extremely eclectic taste in music (think NIN to Japanese pop). So I asked him out via email.

Cuz I’m a chicken shit.

He sent me a response, something like “That sounds like a good idea but I need to let you know, I am seeing someone else.”

My response to that?

“No problem, I just thought we could hang out. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me or anything.”

He was in an open relationship with another, older woman and things with her were… Let’s just say, “complicated.”

We dated casually for awhile, hung out, went to movies, played pool, talked for hours on the phone. I learned quickly about his wicked sense of humor and the fact that he was just as much of a pervert as I was. You would seriously never look at this man and think he was anything but innocent.

I fell for him. Hard.

And he fell for me too, but being the cautious man that he is, he took things more slowly, dipped in a toe instead of taking the cannonball approach that I did. There was some drama and even some brief heartbreak with the “other woman” when I figured out that yes, I really DID mind that he was seeing someone else. He was the first person I ever even remotely had the desire to be faithful to. I recall going out with another guy at one point and hitting the blinding truth that I simply didn’t need anyone else.

I told him he loved me before he actually said it. He struggled with it. He was shy and didn’t have a lot of experience and he had never actually been in love before. That he knew of anyway. There were some feelings spent with “the other woman,” and in fact the first time he told me he loved me was actually painful because he was admitting to himself (and me) that he loved her too. But after some soul searching, he moved on and then later, moved in.

He proposed to me on Valentine’s Day. In the parking lot at Friendly’s. In the snow. He had apparently been working up the nerve all night. I went up to the car and turned around and he was on one knee. My first reaction (because I’m an asshole) was, “What the fuck are you doi…??” And then I saw the ring. Which in his nervousness he was holding upside-down. And it was the perfect ring too. A gorgeous, solitary, teardrop shaped sapphire in a white-gold setting. I don’t do diamonds. It’s simple and elegant and perfect and still, every time I look at it I smile because it’s so right, just like us.

And we got married. In a beautiful ceremony, outside in my parents’ wildflower meadow.

Two years ago today.

Happy Anniversary to us.

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