Time to pull it together…

So obviously, I haven’t been posting much lately. (Duh) As I may have mentioned, I’ve been a tad busy as of late. Honestly, I don’t seem to be under more stress than normal but I do seem to be letting it get to me a little more than usual. This is not a bipolar thing (at the moment anyway) it seems to be related to the pain crap. See, I’m allergic to narcotics. Like actually, break out into hives, lips swelling, feeling like my skin is on fire allergic. This apparently is not super common. Generally people who say they have an allergy to something like vicodin or codeine don’t have an actual allergy, just an adverse reaction (stomach issues, sleepiness, fogginess etc.). Me? Nope… When I had my weight loss surgery 4 years ago, they actually had to stop mid-surgery to give me an anti-histamine and steroid because I had broken out into hives about an hour in from the fentanyl. Anyway… I went through that whole explanation to say that my current pain relief meds consist of an NSAID (like advil or aleve) that is so strong I have to take something to coat my stomach with it and Ativan at night which is in the same family as valium. My PCP has assured me that the Ativan is out of your system within 6 hours but the past week or so I have been going about my business like a space cadet on the wrong planet. Not to mention the fact I find it extremely difficult to wake up in the morning and it takes me forever to get going. And all day long I am kinda sleepy but not really tired. Just… drugged. It’s not a feeling I particularly enjoy. I’m still functioning and everything and the pain is definitely better (think severe thunderstorm as opposed to hurricane) but I just seem to be processing things a bit slower. And I don’t seem to be handling the clusterf*ck stress that is the reality of my everyday life as nonchalantly as I am generally able to.

This is one of the reasons I’ve not been posting. Because I am finding it difficult to form coherent thoughts in the midst of the drug-induced fog and inevitable pain and discomfort that seems to plague my every waking hour. Damn that sounded all whiney and dramatic didn’t it?

The other reason is time. There is just not enough of it. I’m doing physical therapy twice a week (which is also helping a bit with the pain) and they are offering a short window (about 8 weeks I think) at work where overtime is available. And I am grabbing as much of that as possible. Because finances are tight. Like a size too small skinny jeans straight out of the wash tight. So I am generally out of the house 12-14 hours a day minimum and I when I get home, I feed The Peach and put her to bed, hang out with Princess Punk and if I’m super lucky, have some snuggle time with The Zen Master before we both pass out. Weekends are no better, I grab some more OT on Saturday, clean house, help my parents as much as physically possible and get as much time in with my girls as I can. Cuz I miss my babies. Princess Punk asks to spend the night at my mom’s and I get all sad because I never get to spend time with her anymore and The Peach is growing so fast that I feel like I am missing everything. The Princess and I have been getting along fairly well lately, she totally kicked my ass at Gin Rummy the other day. The Peach is a total freaking dork and never fails to make me laugh. She has just learned how to clap… sorta. She actually ends up looking like a trained seal with epilepsy but it’s still super cute.

Hunh… Maybe I AM more busy than normal.

At least I’ve lost some weight… Who the f*ck has time to eat? And the soft foods diet is… eh. And I gotta admit, I still end up eating stuff I have to chew. With my post-DS protein requirements I honestly cannot give up meat entirely. I have been eating a lot more eggs and beans (as if my gas wasn’t bad enough, sorry Zen Master) but I’m balking at the protein shakes because… Well, frankly because they’re disgusting. There’s only so much scrambled eggs/egg salad/tuna salad/black bean soup/red beans and rice I can take before I need some meat. HAHAHAHAHAHA That’s what she said… Damn, that should tell you how out of it I am that I didn’t even catch that until I had already written it… Heehee… That was funny though… Yeah. Perv. Dork. Whatever. I digress… Anyway, I’ve found that chicken thighs are not only cheap, but fatty enough to be eaten with minimal chewing when baked instead of broiled or grilled (which cooks off more of the fat). And rice and potatoes (mashed is the nicest to my jaw). I have to confess… my weakness and something I’ve not been able to give up even though they are absolutely horrible for my jaw… Frozen cut string beans. Weird right? Totally my favorite snack and healthy too. I can go through a pound in a day and a half. Definitely not soft food though. But that is the only thing I eat that requires any kind of serious stress on the joint.

So anyhow… I seem to have gotten away from my original thought thread… Wait. What was my original thought thread? Oh right. Not handling stress very well. I am going to try and post more frequently because, as I said before, I kinda need this shit. but it’s probably not going to be everyday and I’m just going to stop feeling guilty about that.

So There.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mrsdsmaunderings
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 20:14:58

    Sorry to hear things are so hectic & painful 😦 Take care of yourself xxx


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