Just a few things I’ve overheard recently…

“First of all, you never stick your finger in an animal’s asshole.”

I almost peed myself just typing that. And how the fuck do you follow that with a “Second of all?”

“Don’t stick a knitting needle up your nose!”

Which wouldn’t be so funny except it was said to my teenage, not my toddler.

“We farted at the same time then looked at each other and laughed…”

Oh, and this one was a text message from Princess Punk from teen night at the ice rink;

“I never fell mom and I can actually spin and go backwards and poop”



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