Skunks are stupid

Or at least, the ones around here are.

Skunks hibernate for the winter, like bears I guess. But unlike bears, they apparently lack that internal alarm clock thingy that lets them know when winter is actually over and it’s safe (sorta) to come out and play… Or eat… Or fornicate… Or steal garbage… Or whatever else it is they do.

Oh... Right... They can't read.

Oh… Right… They can’t read.

So, since skunks are apparently evolutionary douchetards that have remarkably survived this amount of time solely to the credit of their painfully stinky heinys… We get 2 days of 40-50 degree weather in January and I get to gag the entire drive to and from work because of the smushed skunk every 1-200 yards. And you’d think they may have adapted at some point.  You see, every year, for a few days in January, Vermont gets a brief repreive from the everlasting winter called “The January Thaw” which generally consists of a “warm front of more seasonably moderate air” (swear to god, straight from the lips of Eye on The Sky on Vermont Public Radio) that brings above freezing temperatures up to even the 60s (The Zen Master will break out shorts for that… freaking ‘chuck) for a few days. It’s a nice break from the ridiculous, monotonous cold of winter here and is unfortunately generally followed by some kind of gross slushy storm that makes traversing the roads like a roller derby with cars. Wait. I guess that’s be a demolition derby right?

Neither will you sugar, neither will you.

Neither will you sugar, neither will you.

Anyway. My point is, every year, skunks seem to take the bait. Yawn, trundle their fat little smelly selves out of their dens and… SLAM… Road kill. And Ma Nature says, “Haha! Gotcha!” And then proceeds to dump crap loads of freezing rain on the area to make everyone miserable, and maybe to make us all pay for the skunks’  stupidity.

Bullshit!

Bullshit!

I swear, driving to work this morning, my thought was… “Good lord, maybe I shouldn’t eat beans and rice anymore…”

 And then I saw the actual culprit, an icky furry black and white… thing, on the shoulder of the road.

Gross.

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