I know what I’m doing… Right?

One of the few things in life I am confident about is my job.

I’m good at what I do, I know I am.

But every once and awhile, specifically when I’m mentoring people (which is a specific part of my job, not just an extra thing I do on the side), I feel like… I dunno. Not like I don’t know what I’m talking about. More like… More like the person I’m mentoring thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about. Or maybe that I’m being a jerk when I give constructive criticism. Like I leave the room and they all huddle into a group and talk about what an asshole I am and how obvious it is I have no idea what’s going on.

I mentor a small group of extremely intelligent people. All with different skill levels and working styles. So it’s quite possible the reason that certain people don’t ask questions or ask for assistance, it’s because they really don’t need to. But I sometimes feel like they’re not coming to me because I won’t know the answer or I won’t explain it clearly or something. And I do babble sometimes. That’s a fact. I’ve portrayed some of my mind machinations here and it ain’t always a pretty sight. So when I am talking to one of my flock, trying to explain something, I might start over-explaining or talking too fast. And then I start getting apologetic for over-explaining or talking too fast. And then they look at me like I’m a martian and then I wrap it up and leave in an awkward silence.

At least, that’s what it feels like.

And really, truly, that doesn’t happen all the time or with everybody, just sometimes. But it still drives me nuts. Because I DO know what I’m doing and I wish I could come across that way.

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