RIP Sarah Bean

I think we, as a society in this digital age, have become far too blasé about the concept of friendship. I read this rather timely post this morning and found myself somewhat angry with… myself. Because in my life, I’ve had very few real friends, and I have always been somewhat lax in keeping up with those people who really do mean something to me, to my life and even how I define myself as a person. Even the few true friends I have now are in the dust most of the time because I’m too wrapped up in myself and my life to acknowledge CrazyGirl moving in with her boyfriend (a HUGE thing for her as independent as she is) or Geek Mom breaking up with her fiancée AND getting diagnosed with Addison’s disease. Or, you know, to write a letter to Terry for the first time in over a year.  And that’s not even mentioning my friends at work that I see every day yet talk to on a weekly basis or less. My friend that moved to Texas a while back? Haven’t talked to her since she was still in Vermont. I think she’s building a house now. But I wouldn’t know because unless she shows up in my news feed on facebook, I’m kinda clueless.

And it’s not that I don’t care about my friends. I truly do. Very much so. All of them are part of what makes me who I am. I’m lucky to have so many funny, smart, unique people who actually tolerate my total weirdness. And while it’s not entirely my responsibility to keep in touch, as a real friend, I should put more effort into it than checking up on their facebook status. Because friend is not just a word. It’s more than that and I need to remember that.

My very first friend’s name was Sarah Jean. My Dad called her Sarah Bean because… Well, I’m not sure why, I was little. She was eleven months younger than me and I’ve know her since she was born. She was my very best friend for the first 10 years of my life. Her mom died of cancer and we started to see each other less and less. By the time her dad got remarried, we saw each other only a few times a year. When I moved to Florida, we lost touch completely. My Dad was ham radio buddies with her dad and I got occasional updates on what she was up to from him. The last time I saw her was about 7 years ago. I was with My Dad, in Connecticut (although for the life of me I can’t remember why), and we looked her up while we were in town. The three of us went out to lunch and I had the odd experience of sitting down with someone who was closely ingrained in my heart and a complete stranger at the same time. We talked about our lives, our plans for the future, hopes and dreams and all that stuff. We exchanged contact information, gave hugs, even cried a bit and parted ways. I didn’t keep in touch with her after that.

Sarah died on January 29th. My Dad called me on Saturday to tell me and I am ashamed to say, when he said, “Sarah died.” I didn’t even know who he meant until he said her last name.

Even after all that time, I still love her. And I still cried. I cried because she passed away. I cried for her dad. I cried for the fact that I had never contacted her in all this time to tell her that I still thought about her, still wondered what she was up to, how she was doing.

And I cried because now? Now I never can.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. movieguy41
    Feb 11, 2013 @ 11:24:58

    Kris, this is so sad. I’m sorry for your loss and for your feelings of guilt. Remember, she didn’t keep up either, so it’s not all your fault. How did she die?


    • newlifeinvermont
      Feb 12, 2013 @ 08:34:48

      Thanks… No info really on how she died, her dad said she was found unresponsive in her home and died en route to the hospital. Since we’d lost touch I don’t know if she had any kind of health problems.


  2. Mrs D
    Feb 11, 2013 @ 17:00:59

    I’m so sorry for your loss, hugs from the bottom of the world xxx


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