Apparently soft food diet means Soft Food Diet…

As in, little to no chewing.

Not soft foods as tolerated. Apparently “Soft Food Diet” is an actual specific thing.

  • Mechanical Soft: A mechanical soft diet may be prescribed for people who have difficulty chewing or swallowing. In general, mechanical soft foods are chopped, ground or blenderized and prepared with added liquids to make them easier to chew. Recommended foods include soft breads, cooked cereals, cereals softened in milk, canned fruit, juices, cooked vegetables, ground meat, scrambled eggs, cooked dry beans and peas, soft cheeses, yogurt without fruit, custards and puddings, cream soups and noodles. Foods containing nuts or seeds, tough meats, hard breads, raw fruits and vegetables and dried foods should be avoided.

Well Goddammit.

It’s not like I’d been eating steak or anything, I’d just not been limiting myself quite that much. Yogurt without fruit? Damn, that’s just harsh.

So now I’m trying to rack my brain for some interesting things to eat that are also soft. Wow. That sounded incredibly porny. Umm… Oh, right… Attempting to not get bored with soft food.

Here’s what I’ve been eating since I found out my ideas about soft food were just too hard… Ok… really, am I being a perv or does this keep sounding all dirty?

So… Foods I’ve been eating…

  • Eggs. Lots and lots and lots and lots of eggs. I need a lot of protein in my diet because of the DS, so limiting my protein sources is kinda a pain in the arse. Hence… half a dozen eggs a day. No shit. Mostly omelets with onions and mushrooms chopped up all teeny and sautéed to death. And cheese. I tried egg salad but without the bread it’s just fucking gross.
  • Mac n’ cheese. I’m sick of the blue box stuff and it’s also “too chewy,” but the Stouffers is really good and definitely an allowable consistency. Of course, they both have the evil gluten so my family generally needs to evacuate whatever room I’m in about 2-3 hours after I eat it. I did make some homemade over the weekend with gluten-free corn pasta. I put bacon and sautéed onions in my mac n’ cheese as per my usual (because everything is better with bacon) and then discovered I had to pick the pieces of bacon out because they weren’t kosher. Oh right, bacon isn’t kosher. I was using the term figuratively but I guess it works both ways? Rambling. My bad.
  • Refried beans. Not bad with the omelet and some sour cream. Tired to eat them as a stand alone and was reminded of a time I gave Fairy Dog some peanut butter. Have you ever seen a dog with a mouthful of peanut butter? Yeah. That’s not exactly conducive to limiting jaw movement.
  • Oatmeal. Eh. Add a sliced banana and some sugar and it’s serviceable, but it gets old pretty fast.
  • Ice cream and pudding. I swear to God I have put on 10lb in the past three weeks. The good thing is, by the time this is over, I don’t think I’ll ever want either again… Except maybe Ben and Jerry’s. Which I can’t eat now anyway because all the flavors I like have nuts or chocolate chunks or some other thing that would require mastication.
  • Soup. Clam chowder, corn chowder, chicken and corn chowder, chipoltle chicken and corn chowder, butternut squash, lentil, black bean, chicken and rice, chicken noodle…  They are all starting to taste the same.
  • Baloney sandwich with the crust cut off and a lot of mayo and mustard. And now, I’m not exactly sure how I feel about giving my children meat and bread that are that easy to smush. That just doesn’t sound… healthy.
  • Meatloaf. I made it last week with a lot of bread, egg and milk and it came out very easy to mush. Smothered in gravy, it was pretty damn good.
  • Stewed chicken. Apparently dark meat only. I tried some chicken breast stewed and shredded and it was still kinda… Stringy. No good.
  • Rice and mashed potatoes. Very filling. All carbs. No nutritional value. Still, harder to chew meats and veggies are a lot more palatable ground up if they’re mixed in with mashed potatoes and butter. And maybe some cheese too.
  • String cheese. Unlike cubed cheese, if I shred it thin enough, it requires virtually no chewing. It’s apparently also extremely entertaining to watch me sit and concentrate on a (rather phallic-looking) piece of cheese and meticulously peel off little strips. Oh, and it is completely impossible to eat when The Peach is around. She loves the stuff. A lot. Yesterday I actually saw her snatch all four of the nice, toddler-sized pieces of cheese I had laid out for her and cram them into her mouth with both hands all at once. And then she waddled away at top speed so I couldn’t stop her. Like I was really going to try and get it out of her mouth at that point. Ew.

And that’s pretty much it. Which for someone as picky about food as I am is not a whole lot. Before The Zen Master and I got together, I threw out a LOT of food. I would cook something, inevitably make way too much and then get bored after about one round of leftovers. Since I now have 2 Human Hoovers in my house (and a dustbuster too), We almost never throw out leftovers. But now, I end up going into the kitchen 5-6 times, opening the fridge, freezer and all the cupboards, getting annoyed because there’s nothing to eat and then then stomp back to my room, still hungry. I’m sitting here right now typing this, listening to my stomach growl and scowling because I know that, although the fridge and freezer are so full you couldn’t fit another thing in them, there is not a single thing in the house I actually want to eat. And The Zen Master is starting to look nervous. Because he knows what happens when I’m hungry.Sorry_for_the_unkind_words_I_spoke_of_hunger


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: