Bitchier than usual

I’ve been a mega-bitch lately.

And honestly, I’m not proud of this.

I cried in a meeting at work today because I was mad at myself because I was being such an antagonistic asshole. Cuz crying is so much more professional.

I went home early.

I’m grumpy and irritable with my girls, The Zen Master and My Mom. Ok… Granted, Princess Punk is 14 and I’m usually just tossing back the bitchy she throws at me, but The Peach and My Mom and The Zen Master are not deserving of my horrible, scowly, foul mood.

I want to escape. Just for a bit. When I’m at work I just want to go home and when I’m at home, I just want to go… maybe not to work, but somewhere else. But I don’t have anywhere to go. And I think, in fact, I’m pretty goddamn sure, that even if I did have another place to go, I still couldn’t escape, because the thing I need escape from the most?

My own head.

I need to not be me. Just for a little while. Just so I can catch my breath and step back and have a moment of quiet, calm, serene, nothing inside my head.

Because my brain hurts. And I have so much emotion, good and bad, racing around in there, that I can’t sort anything out and I don’t know whether to scream or laugh or cry or throw something large and breakable at the wall.

So I just bitch. Because apparently Bitch is my default. My poor family.

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