On the lighter side…

The Peach has quickly become acostomed to living in a house with stairs. She is learning not to play on the stairs and it has been impressed upon her that she is not to go up or down without a grown-up (or Princess Punk). Of course, we’re still working on the rules, as evidenced by an incident on Saturday when I was distracted in the kitchen. As I turned around and frantically searched for my toddler who was less than 2 feet from me 15 seconds earlier, I hear The Peach saying, “Come ON Mommy. Huwwy UP! I wantto watch Peppa Piwg!” From her perch at the top of the stairs.

Last night on the way to bed as she’s scrabbling up the stairs on all fours with me patiently plodding up behind her we had this delightful heart-to-heart;

“I go-win up de taire!”

“Yes, you’re going up the stairs.”

“Wookit Mommy! I go up de taire!”

“Yeah babe, you’re going up th… Did you just lick the floor?”

“Nooo. I not wick it.”

“That’s good, don’t lick the floor, that’s yucky.”

“I not wick de foor. I wick DE TAIRE!!!”




Enough is Enough

DISCLAIMER— IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY FOUL LANGUANGE… OK, if you’re offended by foul language you shouldn’t read my blog at all. However, if you are additionally offended or sickened or enraged or whatever by ignorant comments, prejudice, racial slurs and epithets, you probably shouldn’t read this post. Although, technically, the whole reason why I’m writing this probably has to do with the way you feel about ignorant comments, prejudice, racial slurs and epithets.


Ok… So Donald Sterling is an asshole.

We get it.

That being said…

Was it really necessary to make such a fuss over some asshole, being an asshole and a bigot? All the fines and bans and forcing to sell his team crap… He’s a billionaire. 2.5 mil? Chump change. And he bought the Clippers for I think about 14 million. They’re estimating he’ll be able to sell it at about a billion. As for the ban, I don’t know the man and I can’t say how shitty that might be for him.

The fact remains… It’s a big bunch of bullshit.

I do not see how this being the leading story on NPR FOR FIVE DAYS could possibly be warranted.

I agree that the issue of race and intolerance is still a hot button in this country. I agree that we shouldn’t ignore stuff like this, especially when it comes to a prominent figure in a multi-million dollar industry that happens to employ a lot of prominent minorities.

But to spend this much time and attention on this is not making things easier. This is not “teaching a lesson” to bigots and assholes everywhere. Bigots and assholes are bigots and assholes and while I’m not saying they can’t change, watching some billionaire get fined a bunch of money is not going to make BillyBob in BumFuck, Georgia believe that “Those Damn Niggers” aren’t ruining life for him and all the other hard-working white folk out there. Or make Josh in White Bread, Connecticut change his mind that it was the fact that he was white that got him passed over for that scholarship and not the fact he got 900 on his SATs. Or make Officer Anthony in Queens, NY stop frisking hispanics simply because they’re brown.

The more we make a big deal about stupid crap like this, the more it stays on people’s minds. And while bigotry and ignorance is something to be mindful of to some extent, the best way to get it out the door is to stop making it an issue at all. People are going to be dicks. About everything. Not just race. People are dicks about anyone that is different. Different religion, heritage, sexual orientation, sex, appearance? Sure. Mental or physical disability? Yup. Income level? Mmhmm. Social standing? Ya. Level of education? The list goes on. Take a good look at your own life. I can guarantee there is something about you that someone, somewhere is a dick about. The more focus and time and energy we devote to those who are dicks about specific issues like race, ethnicity and sexual orientation? The more importance we give them and the stupid things they say.

They’re not important. They’re assholes. Period.

History is important. It’s important to see where we’ve come from. But it’s also important not to dwell there. Words hurt because you let them. Assholes say things about specific groups not to hurt them, but because they’re ignorant and they actually believe what they’re saying. There’s a difference between ignorance and malice. Beating a black man to death for dating a white girl… That’s malice. That’s horrible and that SHOULD be the leading story in the news for 5 days. Expressing the opinion that interracial couples are wrong isn’t mean, it’s stupid. And that asshole should be called on it, advised they’re ignorant and then attempt to explain why. Then move on. Ignorance turns to malice only if the person had the capacity for it in the first place. Just because you’re an asshole and you think interracial couples are wrong, doesn’t mean you think it’s okay to beat a black man to death for dating a white girl.

This isn’t the 60’s anymore. We have a black president. And no, that doesn’t mean there’s no problems. But don’t dwell on the ignorance of the past. You’re not going to change someone’s mind if they don’t want to open it. Be an example. Don’t preach. Get off your soapbox and introduce that asshole who doesn’t like interracial couples to your neighbors who’ve been happily married, upstanding members of the community for 40 years, raised 2 beautiful kids, and just watched their oldest grandkid graduate from Yale. Oh, and incidentally, he’s black and she’s white. Oh, and don’t forget to introduce them to that white couple across the street… Though you might want to bring a pound cake because she’s pissed off because her second husband/third baby-daddy didn’t pay child support on his other kid and now they’re garnishing her cash assistance.

Pay attention to the big stuff. The fact that Sterling was refusing suitable housing to minorities should be a WAY bigger deal than him telling his girlfriend not to be see with black guys. Honestly, it kinda just sounded like he was calling her a skank and then decided to add the racial stuff in there to really make himself a jerk. Prosecute people who commit hate crimes. Educate people who say dumbass things.

If you want to be offended by words like nigger, kyke, faggot, spic, chink, wetback… That’s entirely up to you. But the more we recognize and allow those words to mess with our minds, the more we keep people separated into groups and the farther we stray from just being people.

Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Have you ever read “Please don’t eat the Daisies,” by Jean Kerr? Or seen the movie starring Doris Day? The title kinda says it all. It’s referencing all those things that you say as a parent that really should never have to be said. Here are a few of phrases recently heard in the NewLife household…

  • “Ohhh… Don’t lick the table.” (this phrase is frequently used with various substitutions of the last word… window, floor, dog, your sister’s foot…)
  • “Be careful the poop doesn’t roll onto the floor.”
  • “Um… Why are there biscuits in my purse?”
  • “No, you sit on the potty THEN pee.”
  • “Don’t play with your vagina in the kitchen please.”
  • “I said, Don’t diddle yourself in the kitchen!” (This was, at least, directed at the toddler and not anyone else in the household)
  • “Please get off of Fairy Dog, he is not a trampoline.”
  • “Could you wait till we’re inside to take your shoes off?”
  • “Ew! Don’t put the butt thermometer in your mouth!”
  • “Please don’t grab Mommy’s butt while she’s making bacon.” (Seriously)
  • “NO! If it’s in the garbage, it is not a toy.”
  • “No, it’s not a balloon, it’s bacon. Eat it.”
  • “Please don’t put syrup in your hair.”
  • “No you can’t take a nap on the bathroom floor.”
  • “No toes on the dinner table.”

Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head. It just seem that, a minimum of 5 times within a day, I find myself saying something that will completely halt my chatter (an amazement in itself) and cause me to think,

“Did I Seriously just say that out loud?”

An email from The Princess…

From: Princess Punk [mailto: PrincessPunk@emailISP.com]

Sent: Friday, April 25, 2014 1:01 PM

To:NewLife; work

Subject: can you?

 can you get me these there really good i would eat them instead of candy and they are pretty healthy 🙂PP1food




On Friday, April 25, 2014, NewLife<New.Life@workemail.com> wrote:

Can you send me a grammatically correct email?




From: Princess Punk [mailto: PrincessPunk@emailISP.com]

Sent: Friday, April 25, 2014 1:01 PM

To:NewLife; work

Subject: Could you buy these for me?

Can you please buy these bars at the store on your way home. They are really good and I would eat them instead of candy. I would like it if you got them for me. 



I can’t tell if she’s being snarky or just following directions.

The fragility of a teen’s self-esteem

I should SO know better.

I grew up being constantly criticized for my weight.

And I know that sometimes I say things and they come out completely wrong and I end up sounding like an asshole.

So I really shouldn’t have told Princess Punk that she really needs to eat healthy because she was genetically predispositioned to gaining weight. What I said was,

“I just don’t want you to get fat like I was.”

What she heard was,

“You’re getting fat.”

She had a dance last week. And since we had to buy new shoes for The Peach because she had spontaneously outgrown every single pair of shoes she owned, I told The Princess I’d splurge (at KMart) and get her a dress for the dance. BTW… NEVER going to KMart again. But that’s another story.

So we’re in KMart looking at stuff and chasing around The Peach as she runs around squealing like a piglet in white patent leather shoes. And Princess Punk is sullenly declining each dress I show her (of which there are about 6 in the whole store) and I’m wondering what the hell is wrong. So I ask her…

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You told me I was fat and I am just gonna look fat in everything.”

And then she started crying.

This girl young woman is probably one of the fittest people  know. She is a born athlete. She is solid and strong and yet as well-proportioned as a coke bottle. She has long, muscular legs and a flat stomach and a pretty big ass. Now… granted… all of her friends are of the caucasian persuasion and half of them wear a size 4 or less. And even though she’s 5’3″ and the shortest of them all, she just looks bigger. So I can see where she might be ultra-sensitive when it comes to size.

And the cards are stacked against her in the genetics department. The women on Sperm Donor’s side of the DNA strand are built like the stereotypical southern Black woman. Big boobs, big butts with progressively larger (but proportioned) measurements as they get older. I don’t think a single one of them over the age of 18 was less than a size 20.

And my side? Me, My Mom and my aunt ALL had weight loss surgery.

Princess Punk? She’s 14. And she’s in great shape. So I should just shut up about it, cuz she’s sure as hell doing better than I was at her age. She’s gorgeous. She should never feel anything less than that. And shame on me for perpetuating the feelings of inadequacy that were thrust on me.

Just a Reminder…



A future receptionist?

Called My Mom this morning to remind her to call her sister about the possibility of us going to NY next week.


(rustling and scrabbling) “Ohmygoodness… Give me the phone honey… Hello?”

(laughing probably WAY too loudly for my office,even with the door closed) “Um… Hi Mom”

“I swear, I didn’t even hear it ring! She just… And… I’m so glad it was you! Oh. I guess now she wants to talk to you. Hang on.”

“HI! Hi mom!”

“Hi baby!” (I now have a ridiculously goofy grin on my face)

“I bidogrw ornslegew”


(very slowly) “I biwdin le-go.”

“Ohhhh… You’re playing with your legos! Awesome!”

(delighted she has gotten through my thick skull) “Yeah!! I biwdin!”

“What are you building honey?”

“I biwd a tower!”

“A tower! Wow, that’s great!”

“K bai.”

(more rustling) “Got it! She almost hung up on you.”

“I was just calling to remind you to call your sister.”

“Oh! right! OK, I’ll try to fit it in, we’ve been very busy this morning. OH! Oh. Ok, she wants to say goodbye. I’m just going to let her hang up this time since I gotta pee.”

(rustle) “wuh you bai”

“I love you t…” I realize the phone has disconnected.

Hm. I think she’s get fired pretty quick.

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