The aftermath

I struggled with horrible chronic headaches and jaw pain for a long time. Like a day when the pain level got down to a 3 was a good day. Like it never went away. Ever. And then I had surgery in April of 2013. And the pain… Stopped. Like overnight. No more jaw pain. No more headache. Sure, I still had neck and back pain, but that was manageable. No biggie. The awful, never-ending, “somebody fucking kill me now and put me out of misery” pain was gone. Just like that.
And then, four short months later, my father assaulted me. And one of the things that happened was his fist, hitting my left jaw.
And shortly thereafter, the pain began creeping back. And tonight, I lay here in bed crying, watching the light show on my left side from the inflammation impinging on my optic nerve. And this pain is all too familiar. And I’ll have to have another surgery. Because the joint didn’t heal properly and now it’s just as bad as before.
And it’s not fucking fair. Because he walked away. He’s not even going to have a criminal record in another few months. I can’t even get the new surgery because I’m still paying for the last one.
So I’m angry. And I fucking hurt.
Done bitching now.

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